Last Resort
The Resort should have been called Last Resort, because after watching it you’ll feel like your life has been cut into pieces. If you thought that was a bad 90’s pun, wait until you actually watch this film. Across 75 minutes, The Resort squanders a semi-interesting idea with a boring, laborious first-half before descending into unadulterated nonsense for its confusing ending. To make matters worse, the entire film is glossed with a thick veil of 90’s slasher vibes, with very little in the way of slashing. The story is split across two timelines, with the first following main character Lex in the hospital after the events of the film. She’s been through a traumatic ordeal and essentially narrates key pieces so we can re-watch them when the film flits back to our main plotline. This is where the bulk of the film takes place, as Lex, Sam, Chris and Bree all fly over to Hawaii to investigate reports of a haunting. On an island just off the coast of Hawaii there are strange stories about a ghost called The Half-Faced girl. When the four arrive by helicopter, their pilot tells them they have until 6pm to make it back to the helicopter, otherwise no one is coming to get them. So off they go, trekking through the jungle and wasting precious time by galivanting in the water and going for a swim. To be fair, Lex is against this but it doesn’t take long before the movie slows to a screeching halt to flesh out these characters. At least, that’s what this time should be used for. Instead, The Resort squanders all that for lazy stereotypes that are never really developed in a meaningful way. You’ve got the dumb blonde in Bree, the douchey joker in Sam and man-bun hulk Chris. Lex sort of slips in the middle of this group, with a mix of good and bad traits. The point is, none of these characters are particularly likable, and their constant jokes and selfie-taking leave you desperate to reach the point they start getting killed off. Unfortunately, The Resort really makes you wait for that. It’s not until the hour mark when this Indie actually starts to descend down into a nightmarish Hell, but the way it achieves this is nothing short of astonishing. All the work done to build up to this moment is thrown away in favour of silly, nonsensical jump scares and a rushed ending. There’s no explanation to what’s happening and the big “twist” at the end contorts the film into the shape of an unsatisfyingly squiggly question mark. I could go on and discuss the poor editing, the bad interior lighting, laughable horror and CGI bird swarms, but to be honest, all of that wouldn’t be an issue if the story was actually coherent and made sense. Instead, this disjointed, janky movie stumbles out the gates to deliver one of the worst indie films of the year. The Resort will be available in select theatres and On-Demand from Vertical Entertainment on April 30th.
